Sage Advice For Holiday Eating From Someone Who Knows Nothing

It's that time of year again. When we head over to Aunt Sheryl's, load up those red plastic plates with horse ovaries (more commonly known as hors d'oeuvres), hunker down on a fireplace hearth and wait for the self-loathing and regret to kick in. Trust me. We've all been there. Why did I eat that ninth macaroon?  Who poured me this fourth glass of eggnog?  How did I get pieces of gingerbread down my bra?  Sooner or later though, the holiday feasts reap what they sow and sweatpants suddenly seem like appropriate work options. Enter in New Year's resolutions.

Well, this year that will not happen. This year will be different. This year I will control myself - I will eat only half the ham, seven turtle cookies and limit myself to three hot toddies. Take that Saint Nick! I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I believe the holidays are a time to enjoy the wonderful foods we, and the people we love, churn out. However, enjoyment does have to equate to perpetual gluttony. And so, to save you from yourself, I present to you...

Kimberly's Strategies for Surviving the Smörgåsbords

1. Don't Go To The Party Hungry

This is the kiss of death.  You've been running around all day trying to find that Pokémon bean bag chair your eight-year old god son wants, you perform your Mariah-Carey-5-minute-costume-change at the house, grabbed your keys, your significant other and are out the door. Sure enough, as the car pulls out of your driveway you realize that snack bag of Bugles you ate for breakfast and lunch may not have been enough to power you through the day. Suddenly your stomach starts talking like Kimmy Gibler from Full House, you're light headed and you need sustenance...fast. Cut to you licking the crumbs off your fourth (stupidly small) appetizer plate as you walk it to the trash can.  The presence of others is all that stops you from reaching into the garbage and polishing off that half-eaten piece of fruitcake sitting right there on the top.  

I've been there. I am a firm believer of never getting overly hungry.  Whenever I hit that point of blinding hunger, I end up reaching for foods I will a) regret and b) over-eat.  It's for those reasons I never leave home without snacks.  At any given time, my purse/book bag/satchel looks like a go-go-gadget of munchies.  

Holiday parties are wonderful.  You get to see half-drunk people you sort of like in dim lighting while you all stuff your faces with the hostess' provisions. This suggested 'rule' hardly implies showing up to a party puffer fish full.  Just don't arrive to the front door seeing spots and drooling unconsciously. I find I make wiser food choices when I arrive any place where free food is in abundance free of that malnourished feeling. I will actually select the foods I really want to try and not simply reach for anything containing cheese whiz. Not only that, I won't suffer the all-too-common conundrum of overzealous food selection. This doesn't mean you can't go up for seconds, but arriving semi-full will allow you to be selective and therefore, more aware of how much you're eating. 

2. Be The Change You Wish To See In The World 

By this I mean, bring a more healthful dish.  If I had a dime for every time I went to a party where the only vegetable served qualified as great Aunt Rebecca's bloomin' onion or the olive in my martini, I'd be a less poor woman.  This does not mean you have to bring a vegetable tray.  I curse those things. I am working towards becoming a dietitian and even I hate eating raw broccoli flowerets. Surely there must be some middle ground. Off the top my head - tomato bruschetta, edamame hummus, roasted potato wedges with sun-dried tomato pesto, Caprese on a stick (tomato, basil, mozzarella), kale chips, maple glazed Brussels sprouts. BAM! Vegetables don't have to be gross. And don't worry, just because you're bringing a 'healthy' dish doesn't mean everyone else is going to do the same.  You will still get your true holiday fix in at the party, mark my words. You're dish will just lighten up the spread. 

3. Mind What You're Swilling

God, to talk about calories here is just too boring. It's also been done a million times. What I can't stand is when some health nut writer tells me to avoid booze at holiday parties. Has she never been to one before? Sometimes a social lubricant is required for survival at these kinds of functions.  Your ex-boyfriend is avoiding you like the bubonic plague, your girl friend is crying the bathroom because 'if one more person asks her when she plans to start having babies, she's going to adopt a Himalayan whistle kid by March', and your mom commented that your eye makeup made you look like an extra in an off-Broadway production of the Grinch as you walked out the door.  

All I will say is this: booze has calories; it's not a 'free food'.  As we all learned in D.A.R.E., alcohol also impairs our judgment. Those repulsive deep-fried Oreos you first saw when you walked into the party might suddenly look downright appetizing after four glasses of mulled wine. So easy does it.  Plus, the person who has raced to the end of the night by 8pm never goes home or wakes up a winner.  I can sadly say this from experience.  Lastly, if you plan to drive home, do not drink. It's a no brainer, but it would feel irresponsible to endorse moderate drinking at holiday parties to those who may go on to be designated drivers.  But Kimberly, you told me it was okay! I have only you to blame for my poor decision-making. No! Not on my watch. 

4. Back Away From The Food Table

Okay, I'll admit this one is easier said than done.  The act of walking away from mountains of appetizers can, at times, require the Jaws of Life. Unless you have the will power of a much stronger man, standing near plates of copious amounts of food is like going to Mexico and never wearing sunscreen. You will burn yourself time and time again. After you've had your fill, thrown away your plate and utensils comes Act II of the night. It opens with the scene titled "Grazing" and concludes with you unbuttoning your pants on the car ride home. Don't act like you're better than it because you're not. 

From personal experience, I've found that removing myself from the vicinity of all the foods that taunt me to have the greatest effect. After I've eaten and I am feeling full, I try to migrate to a different room.  However, I do realize the kitchen is often a congregation location. So instead of wandering into the host's personal office or sitting alone with the cat watching reruns of the Match Game, put those Crescent dogs out of arms reach. At the heart of it, we're all lazy.  Maybe all it takes is the required extra four steps to snatch the last smoked salmon quesadilla to deter you from overindulging. 

5. Return to Normalcy 

Hypothetically, let's say you decided to ignore strategies one through four and ate until it hurt. The next day you arise thinking, "Today I will eat less to make up for last night."  Please, please, please don't do this.  Food isn't about atonement and the holidays shouldn't be filled with self-induced regret. So what? Last night didn't go so well. You came home, popped the Pepto and woke up every two hours mumbling "never again". That's probably a little dramatic, but you get the idea. Nobody is perfect. So instead of skimping on calories following an epic holiday bender, just get back to normal. Wake up, eat some breakfast and go about your day as normal - eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full.  Besides, if you decide you're going to start a 'diet' on December 17th you, my friend, may just be dumber than first grader. Don't even get me started on diets.  That's for another day.  There's nothing quite like intentional self-denial while all those around you indulge in the very thing you've sworn off.  Say hello to crying in the shower and aggressive journal entries. 

Bottom line here: when we decide we're going to enter into Calorie Deficit Land in an effort to amend for last night's destruction, nine times our of ten we wind up hitting 3pm ravenous. And the cycle repeats.  The biggest favor you can do yourself is to wake up and kick your metabolism in the pants with some breakfast.  

Zucchini Banana Nut Muffins

Welcome back.  I hope you all survived the holiday with your dignity and jeans still intact. Mine was lovely, thank you for asking.  I picked up a head cold but powered through.  I think it probably had something to do with the 13 kids under the age of ten on my flight home.  Upon landing on Missouri soil, I felt compelled to update my Facebook status to: "One airplane. 13 kids. 3 hours. For the price of one plane ticket, I bought 5 years of birth control." True story. 

As promised, I am here to deliver my Zucchini Banana Nut Muffins. As many of you already know, I had a slight farmer's market mishap back in Boston before I left for break.  It involved one vendor, three vegetables and a humbling experience on how pushovers never fully get what they really want.  Luckily, my failure to rectify the situation lead to some tasty kitchen creations. First it was the roasted vegetable frittata and now I give to you a great breakfast option or on-the-go snack idea. 

This recipe is a hybrid of about two or three I found online.  I like 'healthy' muffins just as much as the next girl, but I am also a dirt-poor grad student so I demand normal ingredients from recipes I wish to try.  No evaporated cane juice crystals, pomegranate molasses or arrowroot powder for this penny scraper. If you want to make these into a dessert, I would recommend folding chocolate chips in with the nuts.  Yum.

Zucchini Banana Nut Muffins 
Makes 12 muffins

2 ripe bananas, mashed

1 egg

¼ cup honey

1 1/2 cups grated zucchini 

1/4 cup canola oil

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/8 tsp salt

¾ cup all purpose flour 

¾ cup whole-wheat flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350F.

Grate zucchini (either by hand or using a food processor), then squeeze grated zucchini to remove some of the water. Measure 1 1/2 cups zucchini and mix with the mashed bananas.

In a medium-sized bowl, beat egg and honey. Stir in the grated zucchini-banana mixture, then the oil.

Into a separate bowl, sift together flours, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Add to the zucchini-banana mixture and mix until just combined. Fold in walnuts.

Spray individual muffin cups with non-stick spray, then divide batter evenly among cups to make 12 muffins. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thought I'd do a little post today in honor of my favorite holiday. There is a great Native American saying that goes - “Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.” Just something to think about on a day where we gather together the people we hold most dear and enjoy a labor of love.

Have a wonderful (overindulgent) Thanksgiving!

An Easy Weeknight Dinner: Part One

With Thanksgiving break approaching and my return to the Midwest on the horizon, my food shopping for last week was scant. In an effort to reduce wasted food and the precious green paper in my wallet, I made a small grocery list and tried to survive the week. To say it was a week of leftovers would be an understatement. It was more like a week of scraping out my refrigerator and cupboards for bits of food I could compile into a meal. Was it enjoyable? Not really. Was it cost effective? Yes. Luckily, my super frugal mentality lead to this creation.

This dish is as easy as it gets and it tastes divine.  All you need is some lettuce, one grain/vegetable based burger and one whole egg. It's also sure to impress should you want invite someone over to join.  I picked up a quinoa cake from Whole Foods.  You can find them in the pre-prepared section.  I'm sure any grocer will have something similar.  Black bean, brown rice, chickpea burger - you name it, it will work. Trust me.  If you're a kitchen super star, here is a recipe for quinoa cakes. However, I haven't tried them so make at your own discretion.

On to the main event.  Quinoa is a great grain to get familiar with.  It's a complete protein, meaning it contains all nine essential amino acids. Virtually no plant food contains all nine. Animal proteins are always complete, but plant foods - not so much. I was actually pretty impressed with myself after assembling this little number. The quinoa cake was on sale and I needed to eat the cup or two of lettuce  left in my refrigerator. Giving you an ingredient list on this one after reading the recipe title seems silly, but you can never be too safe. 

Quinoa Cake, Poach Egg with Mixed Greens 

Serves One

1 egg

1 quinoa cake

1-2 cups mixed greens

Pepper

Poach the egg in water. Place mixed greens on plate.  Top with quinoa cake, followed by the poached egg.  Crack some fresh black pepper on top and dig in! 

A Farmer's Market Mistake Turns Into Stomach Gold

My weekend routine is beyond predictable: wake up, do homework/study, run, food shop and relax. I love graduate school, but when this is what your schedule looks like Saturday, Sunday and Monday, it can take a lot to break out of the monotony.  Being the rebel that I am, this past Saturday I threw caution to the wind and went to the farmers market bright and early.  I like to think this act of revolt was purely motivated by spontaneity, but it was mostly due to a hang over. Trying to focus on schoolwork while your head pounds like a 1980's techno dance song is easier said than done.  

In lieu of studying for my approaching nutrition epidemiology exam, I laced up my shoes, zipped up my coat and headed for the subway.  If you've never been to Boston, Haymarket is an outdoor farmer's market located next to Faneuil Hall.  It's by far the best market I've ever been to. I spent $5 and brought home 5 bananas, 4 honeycrisp apples, 3 zucchini, a pint of blueberries and a red bell pepper.  Needless to say, my crisper drawer is full. 

By now you must be thinking, what does a single girl need three zucchini for? She doesn't. One stand was selling three zucchini for a dollar.  I asked for one zucchini and she bagged three mammoth size vegetables.  I thought about correcting the situation, but they were only a dollar. Why bother? My produce mishap turned into my stomach's reward.  I made this little frittata and it is delicious! I really just threw this one together, so my dried herbs, salt and pepper went unmeasured- use at your discretion.  I also think it would be great with goat cheese. Enjoy!

Roasted Zucchini, Tomato and Ricotta Frittata

Serves: 4

2 zucchini, quartered, sliced

1-pint cherry tomatoes

½ cup part skim ricotta

½ cup grated Parmesan cheese

4 eggs

2 egg whites

1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. parsley

1 tsp. minced onion

Salt pepper

2 tsp. olive oil

Toss zucchini in olive oil, season with salt and pepper. Roast at 400 until tender.  Coat tomatoes in PAM, toss with salt and pepper. Roast at 400 until wrinkled/burst.

Beat eggs and egg whites. Add ricotta, ¼ cup Parmesan, zucchini, tomatoes, parsley, basil, minced onion and season with salt and pepper.  Pour into 8x8 coated in cooking spray. Top with remaining 1/4 cup of Parmesan cheese. 

Bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes or until the edges are golden and eggs have set in center. 

Cool for 10 minutes on rack.  
Cut and serve. 


Coming soon: Zucchini Banana Muffins (aka- what I did with the third zucchini) 

Because I'm a Native St. Louisan

Epic

Coming Soon: Fall Fun

Cheers :)

Shameless Product Placement of October

Before we dive into this post, let me catch you up to speed. After all, it's been almost a month since you last heard from me.

I am going to be completely honest right now. I'm tired of studying and have had it up to here (makes motion to knees) learning and talking about nutrition. Don't worry Mom and Dad, I'm not dropping out of school or changing my major. I'm merely burning out. Not a big deal.  It's only October so there's no need to be concerned.  Furthermore, MLB playoffs are cutting into my sleep time and I've become addicted to online Scrabble. Thanks to Hasbro, I now have it on my phone and I am playing it EVERYWHERE. For instance, waiting in the check out line at Trader Joe's. I'm even to the point of asking random strangers on the T (Boston's subway) how to spell labyrinth. True story. My scrabble addiction shamelessly knows no bounds and it's actually inviting people into my life. Why?! How I am able to concentrate on a word game while riding the T is beyond me. Lately, my inner germaphobe has become quite ripe and freaks out about touching those hand poles. I'm beginning to feel like Monk. I mean, other people are noticing.

This Just In: "A girl was found on the T last night, selling her Trader Joe's groceries to anyone willing to lend her their pocket dictionary. Authorities are concerned online gaming could be a gateway activity for much more reckless hobbies like bocce ball, table tennis and charades. No word yet on whether she got a triple word score using plankton. And coming up, why she had twelve hand sanitizers in her backpack. Stay tuned."

This is honestly what my life feels like. I think this Scrabble frenzy is really just a vehicle for diversion.  When you take five graduate level classes in a semester, I think screws slowly start to come out. You decide you have to start reclaiming your life by placing imaginary boundaries where they shouldn't be. I'm sure further posts will explore my (delusional) school rules surrounding not doing homework between the hours of three and five pm, mandated Wheat-Thins-eating while I do weekly biostatistics assignments and compulsive bathroom studying to avoid the constant distractors one finds in a 300 square foot apartment.

It is this very burnout you have to blame for my lack of posts.  Time is an obvious finger-pointing factor for my blog's slow death.  More so, it's my exhausted nutrition mindset that is entirely over reading, writing and talking about food. To help get my creative juices flowing, I actually looked up burnout in the dictionary...

"To be completely consumed and thus no longer aflame. To ruin one's health or become completely exhausted through overwork."

I am no longer aflame! This is serious. Graduate school is like a Bill Cosby sweater.  You put it on, where it out and feel pretty great about it until that one person starts talking about JELLO and you realize you made a huge mistake. That simile made no sense at all. And on that note, I should probably get to the point of this post. So let's talk about, ugh, food.  Shoot me. 

Instead of discussing enzymes, glycogen, adipocyte formation or ketones, I'd like to make this post about a product I love. KIND Bars. In the tradition that is October, I thought I would post my version of a candy bar.  Don't get me wrong; I can get down with a Snickers, Milky Way or 100 Grand any day of the week. But when I'm feeling calorie or ingredient conscience, this is what I reach for.

By now you can probably guess what I like most about KIND Bars. It's their short and simple ingredient lists. You can see everything in the bar that is on the label.  No unpronounceable additives or hidden preservatives. They come in wonderful flavors like Apple Cinnamon Pecan, Fruit & Nut Delight, and Almond & Apricot.

You're inner sweet tooth junky is either a) screaming or b) crying right now.  She said it was like a 'candy bar.' Anything that contains a fruit shouldn't fall into that category. You're ruining the one thing I love in an attempt to make it healthy! Settle down. My favorite of all the KIND bars is the Dark Chocolate Cherry Cashew.  It still has fruit, but you're going to have to get over that because the thing is coated in dark chocolate.

One (1.4oz) bar has 180 calories, 9 grams of fat and 14 grams sugar.  For fun let's compare that to a Snickers. One (2oz) Snickers bar has 270 calories, 14 grams of fat and 28 grams of sugar.  Truly though, there's no need to sell you on this point because no matter how much better the nutrition profile is on Kind Bars, they are downright delicious.  I wouldn't go as far as to say they are nutritious, but when compared to a Snickers, they are less damaging.

Let me put it to you this way. If, due to my erratic behavior, ceaseless rambling and overall odd behavior, I were banished to a deserted island where I could no longer inflict myself upon others and I was allowed three things, a life time supply of KIND bars would be on that list.  A girl needs reliable sustenance after all.  No, but seriously, they're that good.

I'm still working on the other two items. I've been mulling this one over for a while and all I come up with are items in lifetime supply quantities.  Can I do that? What a difficult question.  I've heard people say they would bring a photo album of their friends and family and that makes me laugh right out loud.  I mean if you want to survive, you're wasting your genie wishes on perishable nostalgia. Mark my words; those photos will be used as kindling within the first week.  Plus I have this theory that if you were dumb enough to bring photos, the people would start disappearing from them. You know, like what happened to Marty McFly's family photo in Back to the Future. Items I've considered more seriously include toothpaste, tents, and duct tape - remember - in lifetime supply quantities! Not that toothpaste will save my life, but I've got a thing about dental hygiene so I view that one more as a psychological aid.

Kind Bars can be found in Whole Foods, REI and should be available in your neighborhood grocery store. Check them out! They are worth it.  For more information about Kind Health Snacks check out their website here.